Gratitude is not for the faint of heart, overly bubbly, or ignorers of the reality of life. Positivity, especially when there is a pandemic and a lot of resistance to cultural diversity and a ton of changes going on, can seem like a bit of a fluffy, syrupy, overly sweet and sentimental way to not validate someone, dismiss feelings, and ignore what is really going on. It can seem toxic, but it isn’t always so.

Gratitude, true gratitude and positivity, do not ignore the feelings and reality of the situation at hand. They accept it, without trying to change it. They also look at the bigger picture and pull in the pieces of the day, and your life, that are working, that are good and thriving (or simply surviving), and that shine a little brighter. They validate some of the good and positive feelings you are also experiencing, or may be missing from your day.

Here are some common myths and misconceptions that you might have, or may have heard, about gratitude and positivity.

5 Myths About Gratitude:

• It is weak
  • Heck no. Having gratitude is hard. When your brain is reminding you of how much everything sucks, and you feel that there is nothing good or noteworthy from your day, and that the world is unfair and against you, it can be really, really difficult to shift into a mindset of gratitude. 
  • It is also not just some generational nonsense. Studies have shown that gratitude helps to build resiliency and strengthen your brain, which is tough stuff. So if anything, gratitude is strong and empowering, not weak. 
• It is toxic
  • Not actual gratitude. Toxic Positivity (and Gratitude) is when you start to ignore or pretend that everything is ok, when it is absolutely not. This kind of thinking is when you turn everything into a good thing, even if , deep down, you are upset and it is a really bad thing. It is a dismissal, rather than an acceptance “AND” gratitude for other pieces. 
  • Actual gratitude is not ignoring the hard things or turning them into something good (again, there is a difference here between toxic and seeing what you learned from something). It is saying that both things exist, even when they are off balance. There are good pieces, sometimes small and minute ones, alongside the tougher, harder parts of life. 
• It ignores the negative
  • Nope. It acknowledges this part, but your brain is already doing that too. You already know that you are upset, having a hard time and noticing all the things that are going wrong. Gratitude simply says “Hey! Those things suck and these things are also happening. Let’s acknowledge them, too”. 
  • It’s not ignoring the negative, but embracing the other parts. These are the parts that sometimes get pushed aside when there are other, more vocal, louder parts that want you to focus on them. But they are equally, if not more so, important to your well-being and for a full picture and perspective. 
• It dismisses your feelings
  • Not at all! You are allowed to (and should) feel all your feelings. There really are no “good” or “bad” feelings, and even saying negative vs positive can be misleading. Feelings are feelings. 
  • Noticing more of the things you are grateful for simply shines a light on the things you might be overlooking or dismissing (unintentionally) as “not as important”, because they don’t need to be solved or resolved or “fixed”. Gratitude practices help you to not dismiss, but instead acknowledge all of your feelings. 
• It doesn’t really do anything
  • Sometimes it sure can feel that way when you’re working on stuff that is not tangible, or when results take awhile to show. Gratitude does do something though and, in fact, it does quite a lot. 
    • Brain: trains it to look at positive, reduces stress
    • Body: reduces stress and stress response in the body as well
    • Mindset and Outlook: builds resiliency, looks at the positive and not just the negative
• BONUS Myth: It is super trendy
  • Ok, this one is pretty true, but trendy isn’t always a bad thing. Gratitude is really trendy right now, but it is because it works. With an increase in studies and resources, gratitude is easier than ever to learn about, access and understand the benefits of. 
  • You can ignore the trendiness of it, and stick to a tried and true gratitude practice. That way, once the trends die down, you can continue to stick to your Gratitude Practice. 

Here’s the thing, your brain is wired to keep you alive. It is about surviving, not thriving. This part has to be trained and taught. Your brain is going to look for the negative and the things that are going all wrong, and dwell on them, to keep you safe, to alert you and to get you to possibly problem solve or automatically react (think fight, flight, or freeze). It is there to stress you out. Over and over again. It is not the enemy, more like a well-intentioned, over protective friend that creates more chaos and stress in your life. 

You have to train your brain to look at the things that are positive, and from there, you will thrive. 

Now that you know what might have been holding you back, you can start to infuse more of it into your day. 

Need some help getting started? Make sure to check out the gratitude meditations and journal templates in the SLP Toolbox, by subscribing below, or grab the printable (digital with a PDF app) journal “Gratitude Action Plan” available in the SLP Stress Management Shop.

What myth have you heard about gratitude? Share in the comments below!

Much love, 

Jessi