Ever feel like stress is just always there? Like it’s just hanging out, ready to find you in a moments notice?

If there’s one thing that overwhelm and stress can do, it is take you from feeling like you have it all figured out to having no idea what you are doing in about 2 seconds flat. This is because your brain likes to notice what is not working for you, and when it does, it sticks with it. 

To your brain, this feels safer and like the place that will keep you alive, and, sure, it will, physically, but it is NOT the place where you will thrive or feel better, or even feel well, mentally and within your life as a whole. 

Your brain is designed to keep you going. It is the number one job for your brain. All of the thinking, reasoning and problem solving, that we as SLPs love, is kind of secondary. It is still important and what makes us who we are as a species and as individual beings, but, in some ways, it is not the most important thing for survival. Breathing, organs functioning without thinking about it, and staying away from things that are threatening – that is what your brain has prioritized.

These are good things, but the part about always looking for threats can go beyond the life-threatening and into the mundane. The daily stressors, the negatives, and the things that are NOT working for you become the focus, and your brain can get stuck there, looking for more and more. 

And it WILL find them, because there is a LOT to find. And once it is validated, it will keep looking for more and more, getting stuck in a Cycle of Stress. 

It can seem a little hopeless and that there is nothing you can do to change this. But there is one very powerful thing you can do to start to shift your brain out of this constant search, and reduce the stress response and the stress you feel – focus on what is working. 

Your brain is not going to do this naturally. It needs a little prompting and pushing to get there. 

When you focus on what is working, you focus more on the positive or good things in your day, and pull your brain out of the constant effort to focus on everything that is not going well. 

It doesn’t mean you ignore it or forget about it, but that you notice that other piece of the day, too. You train your brain to notice more of that and to stop searching for things to stress about. 

It’s like how there are days when one thing happens and then you notice another, and, suddenly, it seems like 10 things that were stressful quickly piled on and now you are so overwhelmed, you don’t know what to do. This is your brain responding to “threats” and stressors. 

It happens to everyone. 

Focusing on what is not working is what your brain naturally does. Focusing on what is working is how you pull it out of the stress mode and train it to notice the other pieces, which helps to reduce the stress response and build some resiliency to it. 

Some days I get stuck in the mindset of looking at all that I am NOT doing right now (especially when I am tired, stressed and not feeling like I am connecting “enough” or doing “enough”).

I focus on all that I am not accomplishing and my wishful to-do list (the one that I want to be doing “instead” or “should” be doing or “would be doing if _____”)

Then I get sucked deeper and deeper into the trap of looking at what is not working, what I am not doing and I start to feel like crap or not good enough or that I am not doing enough and will never do enough. 

I end up validating my brains’ stress cycle, and causing more to occur.

All of this, instead of looking at all that I am doing. 

When I shift gears mentally (it is HARD) and focus on what is working for me today and lately, I realize there is a lot that is going well, and is not stressful. 

I focus on what is working, like:

• Cooking and baking some really awesome food
• Walking to and from school in the morning and afternoon
• Getting outside with my kids more to PLAY
• Having time to work
• Having time to practice yoga
• Running again
• Reading more books than I have since before I learned that reading wasn’t “cool” as a pre-teen
• Running an online course on Stress Management and a seasonal Workshop Series
• Working with hospitals/schools/conferences/practices/SLPs to help with stress

When I shift into this mindset, it doesn’t ignore all the other pieces that I wish I had more time to do, but shows the bigger picture and perspective. It pulls me out of tunnel vision and perfectionism.

Then, I am able to think things like:

• I AM doing a lot – just different things.
• It’s enjoyable. 
• It is worth it. 
• There is no need for 100% or perfection. 
• There is and will be time for more when needed. 

These are the things that are working for me and make up a big part of my day – a part that I enjoy. 

Here is how you can start to make this shift to focus on what is working, when you feel you are stuck and focused on what is not working:

• Acknowledge some of the things that are not working (don’t ignore or pretend they are not there). 
• Write down 3 things that ARE working for you or are going well
• Brainstorm a way to keep these going and to do more of them tomorrow/going forward
• Make a practice (similar to gratitude) of taking a moment to reflect on these each day, or a few times a week.

Give practices to try and create a journal – Do you ever find yourself stuck in this sort of pattern? Where you feel like you have dropped off for a while, are in a funk or sliding into one?

Take a moment to pause and reflect, what is working for you today? Write it on a sticky note to keep nearby (you could even share and tag in your stories), or share in the comments below!

Want a journal template to help you create a routine of focusing on what’s working? Grab the “What is Working for you” guide in the SLP Toolbox, as well as more resources to help you manage and reduce your stress.

Sign up below for free access.

Much Love, 

Jessi