There is a big truth about most adults and most SLP programs – they are not taught stress management.
I have spent more time than I would like to admit scrolling, mindlessly, through social media, wasting hours of my evening, or watching shows without really watching them, just so I wouldn’t have to do anything else. Because I was stressed and that’s what I thought might help.
As an adult, and as an SLP, you get to make decisions, help others to thrive, and have a handy-dandy Masters Degree. It seems like you should be able to do something as simple as figure out how to not feel so stressed all the time, and that is why it is so infuriating and so stressful.
Because it is really hard, and the skills may not be there. And it is not our default- most of us are not taught what to do about stress.
Honestly, most of us are taught “It gets better when you graduate and are in the field doing it your own way”, only to find out that the stress just shifts, if not increases.
Without a lot of tools or knowledge about what to do about stress, besides “suck it up buttercup”, it can be easy to lean into the first, simplest thing – checking out each night after work.
Stress usually comes with a side of mental exhaustion. If not at first, then as it builds overtime. This mental exhaustion can make it feel like there is nothing better than to sit on the couch, saddle up with your favorite wine or Diet Dr Pepper, grab a bag of snacks, and binge watch your way through your favorite Netflix show. Sometimes, late at night after you get the kids to bed and straighten the house and REALLY dive into the exhaustion.
It seems like a good fix – check out for a bit, not think about stress, and then feel less stressed.
But does it work?
Once in a while, if you do this, you might be thinking “yes! I feel so much better after an occasional couch night”. But if this is routine, you might be noting that the stress is still there and possibly growing.
This is what can happen when you check-out vs check-in. So how can you tell which you are doing?
Checking Out = Avoidance
When you’re checking out, you are doing things that help you to completely avoid the stress you are feeling and facing. It is an avoidant habit and it is usually used because you are so mentally exhausted and drained, that the idea of doing one more thing is too much. It allows you to check out for a little bit – maybe bingeing a show or mindlessly scrolling social media – so that you are not engaging or thinking about the stress.
Once in a while, this is so needed and can help. It gives you that bit of reprieve, even for a few moments. It becomes an issue, and can add to stress, when it becomes your usual go-to.
Checking out does not do anything to help the stress go away or manage it, it simply ignores it. This means that while you’re ignoring it, it continues to grow and build, so it can often be bigger and more stressful once you have to face it.
Checking In = Awareness
When you’re checking in, you are consciously doing an activity that helps you to reflect, check in on yourself, and meet your needs in that moment, even when it is really difficult to do and acknowledge. It is an activity that brings awareness to the stress you are feeling, and then does something to help you move through it or shift out of it. This could be a journaling activity, shaking or moving your body, or finding some quiet or meditation to help decompress.
It is not always easy to do, but it is what helps you to reduce the stress response in your brain and rewire it to not get fired up as much when new stressors arrive. It also helps your brain to shift out of being focused on all the potential stressors that you might find.
Checking in faces the stress, because it is already there, and brings some awareness to it. From there, you are able to see what you need in that moment to work through it a little better. It is not about finding a solution, but about shifting your brain and body out of stress mode.
I promise, I am not saying throw away your TV and delete all social media. Heck no, I love both of those things and spend way more time on them than I should. But, when you notice they are your go-to, just take note. You are probably overwhelmed by something or there is some stress building, and bring some awareness to it. That’s always the first step. And then maybe continue scrolling for tonight, but then tomorrow take some time to do something for yourself that helps work through the stress a little – even 5 minutes can make a difference,
Then jump into your favorite spot on the couch, hit play, and enjoy your shows – connected and not checked out.
What do you end up doing – checking in or checking out? Share in the comments below!
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With Love and Light,
Jessi