*Thoughts are real not true*

Have you ever had a moment where you thought something and then your entire stress level, mood, and day shifted? And not for the better.

It happens. And it is no fun. 

Last week, while heading back to work and getting into routines again, things went less routine than expected. I imagined the first day or two would be a little rough, but as each day went on, there were more and more unexpected things. 

The kids didn’t sleep very well. They, expectedly, had a hard time going to bed at their “school night” time. But, unexpectedly, they were up in the middle of the night, had stomach aches, woke up early, and in general did not sleep well. And so, as parents, we did not either 😉

During the week, I was reflecting on how I envisioned things going this year with my work here, and how at times last year, things would shift unexpectedly in schedules (illnesses, loss, etc) and I would “lose” my days I had scheduled to work here. It was like all or nothing. If a kid was home from school, then I wouldn’t be able to work. If I had an unexpected appointment, I might as well cancel all I had planned to do. If we were struck with a grief flare up, and my mind felt overloaded, it wouldn’t be worth sharing anything that day.

And I had the thought – wtf?

Just because I can’t do ALL the things, doesn’t mean I can’t do something. And I decided that was my plan for this year. If something happened, and I couldn’t do ALL the things, I could still stay connected and do 1 thing. 

That night, as I was getting ready to plan out some stuff to work on the next day, my daughter was up sick with a stomach ache, until pretty late. And it was questionable if she would be able to go to school or not. I felt stress kick in (and, let’s name it. Anxiety). And I had those immediate thoughts – She is going to be sick. She won’t sleep. We won’t sleep. I’ll miss my day to work on this stuff this week. It is going to be awful. I’ll let everyone down. I should close it all down. It’s not working. 

And I abandoned my well thought out intentions for the year ahead. 

So, I didn’t sleep as well. I felt tired from it. And my daughter was absolutely fine, well rested and ready for school the next day. And I had the day to work. 

It was a lot for stress over intrusive thoughts that turned out to not be true.

Thoughts are kind of like that. They can be real but it doesn’t mean they are true.

SPOILER ALERT FOR HARRY POTTER:

It’s kind of like that scene in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. He is possibly dead and talking to Dumbledore in the white room, and that “thing” is curled up on the floor. Harry asks him if any of this is real or if it is in his head, and Dumbledore replies something like “Of course it is in your head, but that doesn’t make it any less real”.

Overthinking is a lot like this. The thoughts are in your head. It doesn’t mean they are true, but they are definitely real. What you feel might not be true to the situation, but it is a real feeling. 

Intrusive thoughts only made it harder in those moments and lessened the sleep I got. They did not help and didn’t even give me a better plan of action. My thoughts told me that I would have a terrible day and be so many steps behind – which was not true. The stress I felt from it was 100% real, though. 

These thoughts are not true – they are real and really happening, but they are not true. 

You might notice this happening with your stress in and out of being an SLP. An email comes through and you spiral into thinking that you are getting fired and will be labeled a “failure”. Your schedule is shifted and you feel like you will never have control over it or be able to see any of our students again. You have a deadline for progress reports and have to cancel sessions, and feel that you will not have a job again for the next school year because you are now lazy, underqualified, and a slacker. 

The thoughts are not true, but they are real.

So what do you do when this happens?

Here are some things you can try (that I am going to try) when intruding thoughts start to take over/get in the way.

3 Things to Do when Your Thoughts Spiral

1. Don’t ignore or dismiss them – validate them instead. They might not be true, but they are real. You are having these thoughts and they can lead to feelings. It can all spiral from there. Acknowledge them and that they are there for a reason. They are not right or wrong (even if they are not necessarily the truth of the situation). If things are hard and your thoughts are going that way, let yourself know “yes, this is a tough situation and it’s not easy to be in”, rather than telling yourself “you shouldn’t feel like this, change your mind already”.
2. Ask yourself, “So what?” Look at the situation you are replaying (for me, it was that I would have to be at home, not alone, and try to get work done with my kid at home). With the thoughts peaking and stress building, I can ask myself, “so what?”. It’s not to invalidate, but to say, “Ok, if this happens, so what? What would it really be like? Would the bottom drop out of everything, or could you still get a little bit done with it?” Once I could see that , yeah I could still get some things done and keep moving forward, even if it is not ideal, then I can actually move through the stress. 
3. Make a realistic plan – if still needed. Sometimes, just acknowledging how you feel and seeing what it would be like can be enough to help you take a deep breath (finally) and move through the moment of stress. Other times you need a little plan of action to gain back some control (note – this is not about controlling the situation, but about bringing in some control again. Often, when stress peaks, it is because you feel a loss of control, which can lead to feeling unsettled, ungrounded, and helpless). If you know how the scenario might play out, what can you reasonably do in that moment? For me, I could map out 1-3 things that I know I could still work on, even if my kid was home for the day. It might not be the 10 things I wanted to do (which, realistically, probably a lot more than possible), but it is still moving forward, gives control back, and keeps things doable, which lessens the stress. 
4. Bonus – if you are able or need to, try to get out of the head a little bit by taking a few deep breathing, doing a sensory journal (5 senses and 5 things), or moving your body a bit. These will help you get into the present and let the tension and stress move through and out. 

It’s not easy to do these things, especially in the moment, but having this little plan or these tools to try can make a huge difference. At least, I hope they do and plan to try them more when I am stuck in the moment. If you need to, write a reminder on a sticky note or somewhere that you’ll see it when you are in these moments, so you can remember the tools and use them to help you work through the stress you are feeling. 

For more ways to help manage stress, including some meditation, deep breathing, and movements, make sure to sign up for the FREE resources in The Resilient SLP Toolbox, where you can watch yoga classes, listen to meditation audios, and breathe deeper through these stressful moments. 

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What is your go-to when you are feeling stressed about sudden shifts in your day or schedule?

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With Love and Light,
Jessi

*Please note, this is not medical or psychological advice or diagnosis. If you ever need support from a therapist or counselor, or mental health support or emergency, please call 988.