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16Mar

Toxic Positivity vs Positivity for Stress Management

Posted by: Jessi Andricks Categories: Stress Management
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toxic positivity vs positivity

Stress, especially in the SLP and Helping Professional world, is a common thing and something that you have probably struggled with a lot in the last two years, and just as possibly before that. Without finding ways to work through and manage the stress, it can shift to full-blown burnout. This is where having some tools to help really comes in handy. 

One of the biggest tools of Stress Management is the use of Positivity. It can help you to shift out of the negative thought spirals, reduce the stress you are feeling, and prevent it from coming back by building resiliency.

But it has to be real positivity to work. Otherwise, it can backfire.

Positivity is sometimes used to tell you to just keep smiling, cheer up, and that there is no use in feeling down. And when you’re stressed, among other times, it can be a really not so great thing. In fact, this “only seeing the positive ” and “maintaining a positive mindset at all times” is known as Toxic Positivity. 

This type of positivity forces you to only look at the good, constantly seek the blessings in disguise, and believe that everything happens for a good reason – even if it includes trauma and incredibly difficult circumstances. 

This is when positivity itself can become not-so-positive.

So, with so much stress and stressful moments, is there room for positivity? Is it even a good thing?

Yes, positivity itself is great. Toxic Positivity is just that – toxic.

According to the site VeryWellMind.com, Toxic positivity is the belief that “no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. … We all know that having a positive outlook on life is good for your mental well-being. The problem is that life isn’t always positive. We all deal with painful emotions and experiences”. 

This is not the same as “positivity”.

Positivity, by definition, is “the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude”. It is more than just “being happy”. Positivity is being aware and mindful of the positive aspects and moments of your day and life to help cultivate more optimism, kindness, and positive outlook, while in turn decreasing the feelings of negativity, anxiety and chronic stress.

When it comes to Toxic Positivity vs Positivity, one focuses on ignoring, invalidating feelings and creating false reality, while the other focuses on the full picture and perspective.

Here is the thing, your brain is absolutely wired to find the negative and seek out the stress and potential stress around you. And this keeps you seeking more stress and fires up the alarm system in your stress response. That is why once you have one stressful thing, if you aren’t able to process it and move on, it can feel like things start to snowball and there are SO many stressful moments happening, without anything else. 

Toxic Positivity would tell you to stop with the negative and “cheer up!”. It’s not happening and there is no room for that in your life. And, while that sounds great, it absolutely makes you feel like you are “wrong” for feeling stressed. It also doesn’t do anything to address the stress you are feeling and facing, and help manage it. 

Positivity, on the other hand, allows you to notice the stress without ignoring it – because your brain is naturally doing that – AND it helps you to also notice the things that your brain is not focusing on – the good moments of your day, the pieces that are going well, and the things you can learn and use moving forward. 

One says failure isn’t an option and doesn’t happen, the other says I failed, it sucks, what can I learn from this for the next time. 

It’s like Toxic Positivity is “this, but…..” and Positivity is “Yes, and….”. Like, you are experiencing this stress, but look at the good that comes from it. Or, you are experiencing this stress, and look at what you can learn from it. One excludes the stress you are feeling, and one includes it with a way to move forward through it. 

Toxic positivity leaves no room for the feelings of negativity and stress. Positivity knows that you are already seeing and feeling the stress, and helps you see the other pieces as well. 

Toxic positivity is about ignoring the negative. Positivity is about the full picture. 

Here are some common phrases that show Toxic Positivity vs Positivity, one being more of a “toxic” positivity, and the other true positivity.

  • Good vibes only (toxic, because it doesn’t allow for other feelings) vs Good vibes (positive)
  • Everything happens for a reason (can be toxic, especially for trauma) vs How can I find purpose or meaning in this
  • Always look on the brightside (toxic, because it doesn’t allow for other feelings) vs What is going well (positive)
  • Failure is not an option (toxic because no room for other things) vs What can I learn from this (positive)
  • Smile!! Be happy!! (toxic, because, ew) vs Are you doing ok today? I’m here if you need anything. 

Where have you experienced toxic positivity when you are feeling stressed in your life? Sometimes it comes from others and sometimes it comes from our own inner voice and pressure. 

How can you start to make a shift in the language you use, to create true positivity, and lessen the toxic positivity?

Share in the comments below! Or send me an email at jessi@jessiandricks.com, or share in your IG stories and tag @jessiandricks 

For more tools that can help you to shift to the positive and reduce the stress you face, without negating how you feel, make sure to check out the upcoming SLP Stress Management Course. You can get on the waitlist to be the first to know when it opens for enrollment, and get some free resources to use in the meantime, by subscribing below. (I promise, I won’t ever spam you or share your details). 

And if you want more info on stress management, make sure to check out these CEU/CMH courses. 

With Love and Light, 

Jessi

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5Jan

How to add in Mindfulness when you are already overwhelmed

Posted by: Jessi Andricks Categories: Stress Management
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mindfulness when you are already overwhelmed

Let’s face it, things are continuing to be stressful, and every time it seems you might catch a break, there is a new change, a new policy to adapt to, or uncertainty pops in. And, even before a pandemic, there was the stress of work – the balance of therapy vs admin vs life outside of work. The impossibility of getting it all “done” and the schedules that were too full and growing. These last few years have only amplified this.

And, a good thing, is that stress is no longer a hidden, secret word. It is well-known, managers and companies and bosses are recognizing it and trying to do something about it (even when it just looks like words or feels like it’s false), and saying you are stressed out doesn;t mean you are an outcast. It is the reality we all face and are welcome to talk about it.

The downside is that it’s stress. It’s stressful. And it has only grown. 

But you are not alone in it, and not helpless or hopeless. Even with the inevitability of it growing, you can still help to manage and reduce it, and build resiliency to the stress you face. This can be done through practices of Mindfulness and Self-Care. 

Mindfulness/Self-Care can be the thing that helps you be resilient to stress, and it can also be one more thing to do when you are feeling that same stress. It can seem overwhelming, when you are already overwhelmed, and like there is “one more thing” you have to do. This makes it easy to not do the things that will help you reduce your stress, and leaves the stress to grow further. 

So how do you make it a part of your day and daily routine without adding to more stress?

Give these tips a try to practice mindfulness/self-care when you are already overwhelmed:

  • Keep it simple: 
    • It absolutely does not need to be complicated to work – usually the easier, the more effective. Sure, an elaborate morning routine seems like fun and super cozy. It also seems super stressful to commit to and something that can become overwhelming quickly. Stretching, exercising, reading, journaling, getting outside, coffee in silence, a smoothie, and meditating all before your 6:45am wake-up call/get ready for work/kids wake-up doesn’t sound as good though, does it? It sounds hectic AF and like anxiety waiting to happen. Instead, keep it simple, so you can keep doing it.
    • Here are some ideas: Sit to meditate or deep breathe for a few minutes. Make a mental check in to see how you are showing up that day. Set your alarm 5 minutes early and use that time (whether you actually get up or stay cozy in bed) to reflect (write it down or mental note) or an intention or gratitude. Stretch or walk for a few minutes. Drink your coffee/tea in peace and quiet for 5 minutes (although, depending on your household and the people in it aka small children and pets, this might be easier said than done on some days). 
  • Don’t take a ton of time: 
    • While you are keeping it simple, keep it to a few minutes. Aim for 5-10 minutes. This can be added to your routines during the day, or you can wake-up a little earlier, pause before you head into work.
    • Your brain likes consistency, which is why those other habits are hard to break and new ones are even harder to build. So short amounts of time, that you can consistently do, are better than  huge, elaborate, time-consuming moments once in a while. 
  • Add it in where it already makes sense/tag onto another task: 
    • Overhauling can be incredibly overwhelming, and is usually not necessary. So instead of trying to completely revamp your routines and habits (even if they aren’t great), in order to create some mindful moments in your day, try adding them in where you are already doing something. 
    • For example: your coffee/tea is brewing, take those 5 minutes to deep breath, journal or meditate. Driving to work? Listen to a podcast you love. Before you jump in the shower or get dressed, stretch for 5 minutes or do some sun salutations. Tack it onto something you’re already doing, so it doesn;t seem like “one more thing”. 
  • Drop the perfection: 
    • Oof, that’s much harder to do than to say. But it’s the truth. You don’t have to be 100% at A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G and that includes your (grades and) stress management. Mindfulness is about showing up as you are and observing it, being present to it, and not judging. This builds awareness and helps you move forward with a more mindful mindset. And it allows you to do what you can, when you can, without guilt if you miss out or need to pause for life. 

Now that the overwhelm has been taken out of this, or at least lessened a bit, grab a notepad or sticky notes and write down a few ways you can start to do this. Remember, it’s not about perfection, so, just like with anything you do or teach, brainstorm it first and give some things a try. Come at it from a place of playfulness and exploration, without looking at it as one more thing you have to do, or a way to “fail” at your day.

Then share it with me! I’d love to see what you are up to and trying. Leave a comment below or snap a pic and share in your IG stories tagging me @jessiandricks, or send an email to jessi@jessiandricks.com.

Find joy and fun in this, and reach out to me at any time for support. 

With Love and Light, 

Jessi 

PS Want even more ways to add in mindfulness when you are already overwhelmed? Join the FREE SLP Toolbox and get instant access to mindfulness meditation audios, journal templates, and mindful movement audios and videos. Sign up below!


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18Aug

Small Changes to Create Big Shifts

Posted by: Jessi Andricks Categories: Stress Management
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small changes to create big shifts

Recently (solidly over the last 6 months) I started running again. A few times a week, I lug my 2 kids to a nearby trail, load up with snacks (them, not me), and plop them into the running stroller. I put on some music and we start down the trail, 2 miles in a loop. By the end, I am sweaty (even in 30 something degree F weather, and definitely when it’s 90+F) and feel tired but energized. 

It might sound not so fun, but we all really do have a fun time on our runs. 

The thing is, when I started, it was really, really hard to do. 

  • My knee hurt for a month or so the first time I started running again (back in March 2020, so I took a break until the Fall).
  • My feet hurt.
  • I had shin splints for a few weeks. 
  • My legs would ache when I started to run.
  • I would barely get through 2 miles.

Eventually, it started to get a little better – with the help of some new shoes and building up some strength. But, it could have also been really easy for me to feel defeated and not continue. I was running 2 miles, and feeling like I couldn’t go any further, when I used to be able to run half marathons. What was taking me nearly 30 minutes, and a lot of breaks, was something I used to be able to do in 20 minutes or less. 

It was incredibly frustrating at times, but it also gave me a place to work from. 

I could have been mad about a lot of things:

  • My pace was slower
  • My body felt heavier
  • My legs were achy
  • I couldn’t sprint without my legs hurting (and I LOVE sprinting right at the end)
  • I was taking breaks. So many breaks in so short of a time.
  • I was pushing nearly 70-80 lbs of kids and stroller

But I also remembered a few things:

  • It had been 6 years since I had a steady running practice
  • I had 2 kids since then
  • I lived in a place with hills, not Florida or the South Carolina Lowcountry
  • My shoes were really old, and my new shoes need to be broken in
  • I was, well, older…

If I expected myself to be able to get out and run 13.1 miles, or even 4 or 6 miles, then, yes, I was going to be disappointed. It was unrealistic. And, if I set my expectations, or goals, to reach this really big amount of mileage, say in the next month or even year, I might also be really disappointed, or, more likely, I would feel defeated and probably want to give up.

But…if I set my goal at the smaller point, and kept reassessing it as I progressed, I would not only have a lot of wins along the way, I would also increase the chances that I would in fact reach that goal and more.

And that changes EVERYTHING.

Now, I notice how much stronger I feel and how I can really push it to go further or faster. Some days I’m slow and some days I’m fast – especially with the stroller 80 lbs now). But I know that I am always, steadily and slowly, creating small changes and they have led to big shifts.

What does this mean for you? It’s not really about “running” at all. It’s about the goals. 

Setting a monstrous goal does not always work, even if that is where you want to go. It is better to set a small goal, or make a small shift, and continue to make small shifts on top of those, if you want to stay active in reaching those bigger goals. It’s what we do for our students and clients, but we forget to do for ourselves. The simpler the goal, and sometimes more scaled back, the easier it will be to reach and then keep building from there. You can aim for the big goal (say, “r” at the conversational level or running another half marathon), but you don’t reach for that yet. You start with the first steps (“r” in isolation, or running 1-2 miles without stopping), and then work towards mastering those. 

Instead of focusing on the big goal of being able to run the way I used to or to run another Half Marathon, I focused on increasing where I was. I could work towards 2 miles with no breaks, then maybe 3 or 4 miles, eventually 6, and continuing from there. 

This way, I am making realistic goals (like the ones we set for our own students and clients) and creating big shifts from there, instead of looking at where I am and where I wish I was, and not feeling like it could ever be possible.

When you are looking at your own goals, especially towards stress management, incorporating mindfulness, and/or personal development, you might be expecting it to be “fixed” and no longer an issuerightnow. Or at least within the next week or month, and then not have to worry about it anymore. Or not have stress still be prevalent. But it takes small changes first, built up over time, to create those big shifts, and to help those big shifts not be an overhaul that fails after a few weeks, but become a gradual part of your lifestyle. 

You need to find your starting point. Then, you move forward from there. 

Take a moment right now to work through some of these questions/prompts and create your starting point:

  • What is your main goal with your daily stress?
  • Where are you with it right now?
  • Is your main goal achievable and realistic for right now?
  • If not, how can you break it down to the smaller, but very important, starting place? Example: You want to meditate to manage your stress for 30 minutes a day. You currently have tried meditation once for 3 minutes on an app. Jumping into that HUGE goal would be a lot right now, and, most likely, not feasible. How can you break it down? Start with meditating for 3-5 minutes 3-5 days a week. Once that is solid and not even something you think much about, build it up (if you even need to or still want to).
  • What is your action step or plan to make it happen? From The example above: download a meditation app and figure out what time during the day will be consistent and easiest to start doing. 

You can go through these on your own in a journal or notebook, or you can download the guided “Small Changes to Create Big Shifts Workbook” available in the SLP Stress Management Shop.

For more resources, like FREE meditations and movement audios as well as exclusive discounts on courses, make sure to sign up for the FREE SLP Toolbox. A resource library full of tools to help you, as an SLP and human, reduce and manage your stress better. You can subscribe below.

What is your small shift? Leave it in the comments below to help share and solidify it!

Much Love, 

Jessi

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