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16Mar

Toxic Positivity vs Positivity for Stress Management

Posted by: Jessi Andricks Categories: Stress Management
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toxic positivity vs positivity

Stress, especially in the SLP and Helping Professional world, is a common thing and something that you have probably struggled with a lot in the last two years, and just as possibly before that. Without finding ways to work through and manage the stress, it can shift to full-blown burnout. This is where having some tools to help really comes in handy. 

One of the biggest tools of Stress Management is the use of Positivity. It can help you to shift out of the negative thought spirals, reduce the stress you are feeling, and prevent it from coming back by building resiliency.

But it has to be real positivity to work. Otherwise, it can backfire.

Positivity is sometimes used to tell you to just keep smiling, cheer up, and that there is no use in feeling down. And when you’re stressed, among other times, it can be a really not so great thing. In fact, this “only seeing the positive ” and “maintaining a positive mindset at all times” is known as Toxic Positivity. 

This type of positivity forces you to only look at the good, constantly seek the blessings in disguise, and believe that everything happens for a good reason – even if it includes trauma and incredibly difficult circumstances. 

This is when positivity itself can become not-so-positive.

So, with so much stress and stressful moments, is there room for positivity? Is it even a good thing?

Yes, positivity itself is great. Toxic Positivity is just that – toxic.

According to the site VeryWellMind.com, Toxic positivity is the belief that “no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. … We all know that having a positive outlook on life is good for your mental well-being. The problem is that life isn’t always positive. We all deal with painful emotions and experiences”. 

This is not the same as “positivity”.

Positivity, by definition, is “the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude”. It is more than just “being happy”. Positivity is being aware and mindful of the positive aspects and moments of your day and life to help cultivate more optimism, kindness, and positive outlook, while in turn decreasing the feelings of negativity, anxiety and chronic stress.

When it comes to Toxic Positivity vs Positivity, one focuses on ignoring, invalidating feelings and creating false reality, while the other focuses on the full picture and perspective.

Here is the thing, your brain is absolutely wired to find the negative and seek out the stress and potential stress around you. And this keeps you seeking more stress and fires up the alarm system in your stress response. That is why once you have one stressful thing, if you aren’t able to process it and move on, it can feel like things start to snowball and there are SO many stressful moments happening, without anything else. 

Toxic Positivity would tell you to stop with the negative and “cheer up!”. It’s not happening and there is no room for that in your life. And, while that sounds great, it absolutely makes you feel like you are “wrong” for feeling stressed. It also doesn’t do anything to address the stress you are feeling and facing, and help manage it. 

Positivity, on the other hand, allows you to notice the stress without ignoring it – because your brain is naturally doing that – AND it helps you to also notice the things that your brain is not focusing on – the good moments of your day, the pieces that are going well, and the things you can learn and use moving forward. 

One says failure isn’t an option and doesn’t happen, the other says I failed, it sucks, what can I learn from this for the next time. 

It’s like Toxic Positivity is “this, but…..” and Positivity is “Yes, and….”. Like, you are experiencing this stress, but look at the good that comes from it. Or, you are experiencing this stress, and look at what you can learn from it. One excludes the stress you are feeling, and one includes it with a way to move forward through it. 

Toxic positivity leaves no room for the feelings of negativity and stress. Positivity knows that you are already seeing and feeling the stress, and helps you see the other pieces as well. 

Toxic positivity is about ignoring the negative. Positivity is about the full picture. 

Here are some common phrases that show Toxic Positivity vs Positivity, one being more of a “toxic” positivity, and the other true positivity.

  • Good vibes only (toxic, because it doesn’t allow for other feelings) vs Good vibes (positive)
  • Everything happens for a reason (can be toxic, especially for trauma) vs How can I find purpose or meaning in this
  • Always look on the brightside (toxic, because it doesn’t allow for other feelings) vs What is going well (positive)
  • Failure is not an option (toxic because no room for other things) vs What can I learn from this (positive)
  • Smile!! Be happy!! (toxic, because, ew) vs Are you doing ok today? I’m here if you need anything. 

Where have you experienced toxic positivity when you are feeling stressed in your life? Sometimes it comes from others and sometimes it comes from our own inner voice and pressure. 

How can you start to make a shift in the language you use, to create true positivity, and lessen the toxic positivity?

Share in the comments below! Or send me an email at jessi@jessiandricks.com, or share in your IG stories and tag @jessiandricks 

For more tools that can help you to shift to the positive and reduce the stress you face, without negating how you feel, make sure to check out the upcoming SLP Stress Management Course. You can get on the waitlist to be the first to know when it opens for enrollment, and get some free resources to use in the meantime, by subscribing below. (I promise, I won’t ever spam you or share your details). 

And if you want more info on stress management, make sure to check out these CEU/CMH courses. 

With Love and Light, 

Jessi

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11May

4 Ways to Practice More Gratitude

Posted by: Jessi Andricks Categories: Gratitude Journal Techniques for SLPs Stress Management
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practice more gratitude

It can be really easy to find yourself stuck in the mindset of “everything is not working”, or some other variation of it, like “everything is the worst”, “nothing is going right”, “this all sucks”, “why can’t anything go well”. When you start to think this way, your brain kind of feeds on it – unintentionally – which is why it is SO HARD to pull yourself out of this type of funk or shift your mindset. And, since it is really hard to do, without an easy tool to grab and help out, you are likely to continue in this spiral and way of thinking, until you end up stressed out, overwhelmed and burned out. 

When I am stressed out, I notice that the first thing that goes is the acknowledgement of anything that is going well, and instead, my sole focus is on all that is not working, and looking for more things that fit that puzzle and continue to stress me out more. It’s unintentional and automatic, and happens so easily. 

Negativity, such as stress and these negative thoughts, is viewed as a threat by your brain. Your brain has a mission – to keep you safe and out of the way of potential threats, even the non-life-threatening ones, like paperwork, piles of more paperwork, changing policies, impossible schedules, unruly kids (your own and other people’s), annoying coworkers, demanding bosses, and being stuck at home for 24/7/365+. Your brain sees these as a threat and starts to stand guard, which causes you to spiral into stress and negativity, and automatically look for more of these things. It is no wonder those thoughts of “everything is the worst” dominate your brain space. It is an attempt to keep you safe that absolutely backfires. 

The key to pulling yourself out of these thoughts and this spiral into stress is to have an easy to use tool that will help you see all the other pieces of your day – the non-stressful, enjoyable, even good parts that your brain is overlooking, due to the calming, pleasing, peaceful, non-threatening nature of them. 

The way to do this is to practice positivity (not the toxic kind) via gratitude.

Gratitude helps you to shift your thoughts to the things in your day, no matter how small, that are going well. It could be something really big, or something small. Here are a few examples of gratitude:

  • You get to socially distance with your best friend after a year apart and air hug.
  • You get to video call your mom.
  • The person ahead of you pays for your coffee.
  • Your kid listens when you ask them to clean up.
  • You get a reply back from an email that you weren’t expecting. 
  • You have a cancellations (but still get paid) and now have 30 minutes to do something for yourself. 
  • Your coffee was hot when you drank it. 
  • You had a really yummy lunch.
  • The sun came out. 
  • It snowed. 

There are a lot of things that could qualify for this list, but your brain may overlook a lot of them, especially the small ones that make up most of your days, unless you train it to look that way through reflecting via gratitude practices. 

Since this type of thing is much easier said than done, it helps to have a few ways to get you into a routine of gratitude.

Here are 4 Ways to Practice More Gratitude:

  • Journal
    • A gratitude or positivity journal is a great way to train your brain to notice some good things that have happened in your day and life. You can do this by writing down at least 3 things that would be considered positive, went well, you are grateful for, you are thankful for, or that are “working” for you. 
    • These are the opposite of what your brain usually focuses on, so they might otherwise be overlooked. There is nothing too big or too small to put in your journal. 
    • You can leave it a bullet point list, or elaborate as much as you’d like. 
  • Meditation
    • You can also use gratitude in your meditation practice. Take a seat and get settled. Take a few deep breaths to begin. Then start to think of 3 things that you are grateful for. 
    • If you want to take it further, think of 3 things, then 3 moments from your day, and then 3 people. 
    • If you want, follow it up with a Gratitude Journal Practice.
  • Recall 3 Things
    • You can also verbally recall or state 3 things you are grateful for, rather than writing them down or thinking of them. This adds a little bit of accountability to the practice and solidifies it, making it more real, than just thinking it. 
    • Try finding a person (your partner, kids, friend, family, etc) that you can either say these to or, in a pinch, send a text or voicemail to. And in return, they can send you theirs. 
    • You can also do this around the dinner table, when you head to bed, or when you are getting your kids to bed. 
  • Mental Note
    • Another way to do this, if you want to start slow, or are a little hesitant to meditate, write or share aloud, is to simply make a mental note of your gratitude. 
    • You can do this throughout your day, anytime you need a reminder or have something you are grateful for. 
    • You can also do this right when you go to bed or wake up, or even at the start or end of the work day. 
    • Just think of the things you’re grateful for, make a mental note, and you are finished. 

For more gratitude practices, make sure to sign up below for the SLP Toolbox, where you’ll find gratitude meditations and journal templates, or purchase the “Gratitude Action Plan Guide” from the SLP Stress Management Shop.

practice more gratitude

Now that you have a few strategies to start practicing gratitude, it’s your turn to put it into action! Leave a comment below sharing which strategy you are going to start implementing, or already use, in your day. 

Much Love, 

Jessi

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27Feb

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Drained from SLP Work

Posted by: Jessi Andricks Categories: Burn Out Career Advice New SLP Reduce Stress
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5 Ways to Stop Feeling Drained from SLP Work PinterestA few weeks ago I was having one of those days where I realized I was feeling completely drained. It was near the end of a long week (but not quite the end yet) and I was just feeling wiped out. It wasn’t that anything huge had happened, but I was just feeling completely exhausted and wiped out. What I realized was that I was working all week, non-stop. Even though I enjoyed a great deal of the work, it was still the constant state of being “on” and productive that had me feeling this exhaustion. (more…)

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